I’ve been thinking about time,
In 1995 as a single parent of a nearly 3 year old, I started working for Thames Valley Police as a civilian Performance Manager. Two years later, a promotion and a house move, took me to TVP’s training centre, just outside Reading in Berkshire, as the Marketing and Estate Manager – and there I stayed. Another house move happened, this time in to my first bought and mortgaged home. Over the years adjustments to my job added more responsibility and remuneration and I still managed to find the time and energy to meet my husband and have a baby together. We got married and moved to Crewe in one crazy week in 2005 and then I went back to the Training Centre on a weekly commuting basis. Nine months later the universe shifted again in our favour so I was able to resign, without another “job” to move on to. That was in the summer of 2006. A few months after I left, and re-introduced myself to my husband and 2 children I received an unexpected but quite welcome certificate in the post.
Recognition of Eleven years of loyal service to Thames Valley Police. Eleven years in the flash of an eye.
Well now it’s 2017 – another eleven years on. Eleven years of “loyal service”* to my family. Seems worthy of recognition. So I made my own certificate! I’ve displayed them both in the kitchen, my centre of operations, when I’m not at the computer!
Eleven years – We had another baby together He’s 10 now – that makes 4 between us. I did the infant raising and family management thing, and enjoyed it, more than that, I think I’m good at it. Everyone’s alive and well, and we are, on the whole, solvent! My step-daughter moved from Spain to live with us and do her A levels in the UK, and then went to University. My son did High School, College, uni and leaving home. My daughter had a brain tumour which left her with permanent physical limitations, but intellectually unscathed, as far as we can tell; and our 10 year old brings up the rear, making us laugh and astounding us with his curiosity and empathy. My husband has been promoted twice and is 11 haircuts away from retirement. I have worked as a childminder, volunteered as a governor at the primary school, joined the Green Party and stood for council vacancies twice. I have been “trained” as a Doula, and volunteered for a local charity called Motherwell Cheshire. We have had a loft conversion and other house alterations. Our household has gone from 4 up to 6 and back down to 4 again. We’ve kept chickens and 2 cats.
I have been a shoulder to cry on, or arms to embrace, a bank, a chef, a housekeeper, a project operations director, an interior designer, a gardener, a financial manager, a coach, a counsellor, a motivational speaker, a proof reader and editor, a nurturer, a lover, a partner, a careers advisor, and a pursuer of dreams.**
It is a massive privilege that we, as a family unit, chose and were able to live like this. This was particularly apparent when our daughter was in hospital for nearly 4 months recuperating after her brain tumour excision. We were aware that outside of our little stress bubble other parents with chronically ill children were losing their jobs because of the amount of time parents were spending at hospital! I remain horrified that capitalism and the workplace can be so cruel to families in such desperate times.
I know that there are mothers out there who do all of this AND hold down a salaried job, and more who do it all without the advantage of a well paid partner, but even so, it is still worthy of celebration, of reward even. This isn’t just for me, and this isn’t a competition. I’m a feminist and this post is to honour my own life choices, not to denegrate yours. Your life, however you live it, wherever you find your validation, is worthy of recognition. Being a stay at home parent, is no less worthy than parenting and earning a salary***. I’m amazing; you’re amazing. We’ve got this**** – and here’s to the next 11 years and the enlightenment that they might bring…
*I don’t consider myself an actual servant to my family, I’m no martyr, this is just for the benefit of continuing the employment simile.
**that’s just off the top of my head – there are more, but I think I’ve made my point!
***for more on this, I highly recommend the book “Liberating Motherhood”
****and by “this” I mean the future of the human race – yes really!
